6/30/2015

The last two days have not been much fun - as if any of this was fun! Burning sensations, mouth blisters, etc. etc.. But you know what, all of us have bad days so I'm not complaining. I am grateful to be as well as I am and very grateful not to be outside working in this dreadful heat.

6/28/2015

This is what happens when you stay home from church: By noon I was feeling the burning sensation in different parts of my body; mouth sores and achiness all over so made it to the futon in the office before collapsing on the bed. What a welcome relief it was just to stretch out. I was in that state beween sleep and wakefulness when I suddenly hear this kind of scratcy sound on the pillow under my head. In seconds I had jumped up knowing in my grogy mind that a mouse was about to run across my face! My heart was pounding as I looked around the room and pulled the pillow and covers off the futon. No sign of a rodent of any kind. It was so real to me that I still don't know where the truth lies! Will be so happy to be back in church on Sundays. Somedays it's a matter of counting the hours until nighttime so you know another day will be over - other days you can work most of the day - or at least the morning. I am just gateful to be as well as I am! It is a blessing not to have to be out in the hot sun. And what a blessing it is to be surrounded by a loving, caring family and wonderful friends. I am so very blessed! And I won't be sleeping on the futon for a very long time!

6/26/2015

Such a fun day! Actually did something normal - decided on the days I feel up to it to have one grandchild at a time come spend some time with me. I have missed them so. (Can't figure out how to fix the spacing) e Keira and Kimber drew names from a basket to put them in order. So Kimber and Keira decided to come together so they both could come twice. I am a litte paranoid about germs but with lots of disinfectant we should be fine. Who knew how tiring playing Candyland and FiveCrowns could be, but so much fun to spend time with my granddaughters. Mornings have been good for me - afternoons not so good. Just all over aching.

6/25/2015

Halleluiah - my chemo is half over and I get a week off next week! I have been Reading Carlfred Broderick's book on the uses of adversity where he states "The gospel of Jesus Christ is not insurance against pain. It is a resource in event of pain." So true for all of us as we struggle through life's many challenges. Speaking of challenges, I was outside watering with Keira, Miya, and Kimber when Lance. Ethan, and Jared rode up on their bikes. Instantly, and almost in unison I hear, "Grandma, did you know you have your pants on backwards?" No wonder I couldn't find the pocket in the back to put my phone in! To be fair, they don't have a zipper button closure. Do you think they have a treatment for chemo brain? I'm just not sure which is chemo brain and which is Kathy brain. I am doing well in the mornings then start aching in the afternoons. It is great to have that time in the morning to get some things done. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers, cards and food - I know they have made such a difference in my life.

6/21/2015

I am grateful for the passing of time. It was just Mother's Day and here it is Father's Day! Halfway through chemo - sometimes it seems to be the only life that is familiar anymore. This new drug is very different from the first two. In the past there was a week of not feeling great then the next week of feeling fairly good. With this one I have felt good for the first few days then the aching starts and lasts to the next treatment. These are every week for three weeks then a week off. I am looking forward to that week off. Who knew there were so many places in your body that could ache for no reason. The good thing is changing your position often alleviates the ache. What a learning experience this is for me! An appointment with my surgeon this week was good as she sees the cancer shrinking. We discussed surgical options but much depends on the next three months of chemo. At least this time I was prepared for what she had to say. Last time I went in for a mammogram and came out having been diagnosed with a very invasive breast cancer. Knew it couldn't be much worse than that!

6/17/2015

Low blood pressure a problem for me? Since I was thirty I have had to take medication for high blood pressure so when mine wen down to 98//60 I could hardly move my body. So the week consisted mostly of going from the recliner to the couch then to the bed. Adjusting to the new chemo wasn't great either. So when I went in yesterday for another treatment I was a bit nervous. The DR was surprised that it had been a rough week until he realized my blood pressure, which has been steadily going down, was a low as it was. All in all it was a solemn day at the infusion center as I was one of the last patients that day so talked quite a bit with the nurses. I don't know if that was a good thing to have to face the realities of IBC cancer again, but I did get some questions answered. It did get me thinking about the things I want to have ready to leave for my kids before I move on. Needless to say that was emotional! Cried my self to sleep. Pretty pathetic huh..... Must have needed that outlet of tears because I feel so much better today. Have been on top of the medications and so far have felt good. I just know it is going to be a better week than last week! Thank you all for your prayers.

6/14/2015

This hasn't been such a fun week. Those of you women who have had epidurals and felt that pain when they stick the needle in your back know how my back has felt this week. Weird painful sensation. The bone aches that were supposed to come with the white blood cell builder shot didn't come then but now I have a pretty good idea what they are. Haven't had stomach cramps before either. I don't know if it is the chemo or low blood pressure that is making me fairly unbalanced, weak, and tired. Who knows! Perhaps when my body gets used to this new chemo it will be easier.. So this treatment is three weeks on then one week off for four months. Just think how miserable I would be if prayers weren't being said for me!! I am so grateful for family and friends that are continually supportive. I want to be like all of you!

6/11/2015

Two days past the first Taxol treatment. After a vial of zantac, steroids, and Benadryl finally got the taxol. They say it is an easier drug to deal with so I wasn't expecting the side effects that came the next day. Basically balance problems and different aches. Same dry eye and vision issues. I did see the doctor on Tues. who told me that the cancer had pulled away from the chest wall and shrunk by 40%. Which is a very good thing! Also heard that this cancer usually effects younger women - that is sad. We will see how the rest of the week goes. On the lighter side, I did go to the wig shop to see if they had "wig beepers" since mine is lost much of the time if it isn't on my head. Looks to me like that should be the next wig invention! So ended up getting another wig. It's fun to see the artificial things they have in the wig shop - eyelashes, eyebrows, hair pieces of all kinds,etc.

6/72015

I am the nervous type - so when I was getting dressed this morning I happened to look in the direction of the mirror and for a few startled seconds I thought someone else was in the room with me. I will get used to being bald, I will get used to that no hair look but obviously it has happened yet! This past week has been great. The time period that I was supposed to be the sickest has been the best I have felt since starting chemo. The dry eyes, mouth, lips and throat are just here to stay but with adequate rest the rest of the symptoms can be controlled. What a blessing! When I go in to begin the next round of chemo on Tuesday they won't believe I haven't been sick. With every round it has been the same reaction. "You didn't get really sick? Well next time will be worse!" With every infusion I know exactly why I have been blessed - it is because of those who are praying for me. I know that the Lord cannot refuse to answer so many righteous prayers. Thank you, thank you. And if you ever doubt your prayers are being answered - come visit me. I know it is not my worthiness but it is yours. So Tuesday starts a new chemo for me. You just should never read about this stuff because it is much to scary. I will be happy to begin the next four months of chemo though. June 4th was our wedding anniversary - 44 years. I am sorry he is stuck with me but he has been so sweet and kind. There have been times this last three months that just his touch has given me the strength to go on and know all will be well. I am so grateful for him!

6/3/2015

Often we are reminded that we have very little control over tragic events in our lives. What we consider a tragedy may well be something that pulls us in directions that we would not have chosen ourselves because they are so painful. At the end we realize that some of the most painful experiences in our lives teach us compassion that we never would have understood before, give us more strength than we thought we had, and build faith that carries us through the next challenge that comes our way. I have been inspired by the examples of strength, commitment, compassion, faith, and love in the lives of many friends who daily overcome adversity in their lives. They encourage me to be a better person through their example. I believe there is life changing purpose in adversity - as difficult as it may be. And I do know that we are never alone in those times. On the lighter side - I am feeling great! Blessed beyond measure. Have been waiting for that deathly sickness they told me to expect after the fourth treatment and have actually felt better than I have after the first three infusions. The power of prayer - what else could it be?