Thursday, April 30, 2015
4/30/2015
Keeping the days straight is quite a challenge for me - even when I am well! Went in for my second round of chemo on Tuesday. It looked like the room of the walking dead. Just wanted to wrap them all in a blanket and hug them. I have always thought that the only time I would be skinny would be when I was dying of cancer. Guess I've a long, long way to go before I die!
I am learning more about grace every day as the infusion nurses tell me what to expect with the treatment and the shot the day after. I feel surrounded by the prayers of others that have blessed me to escape most of the worst side effects that they tell me will come. The nurses just look at me in unbelief but I know exactly why I have been so blessed.
This no hair thing isn't all that bad. No wonder it takes men such a short time to get ready. It is a bit strange to come downstairs and realize you have forgotten your hair though.
The kindness of so many people has been amazing and probably not deserved but I do appreciate the emails, messages, cards, calls, meals, flowers, warm soft fuzzy blankets and pillows and so many others gifts that have made such a difference in my dealing with cancer. Thank you so much!
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
4/28/2015
Afternoon of the same day
Room of the living dead is the best description of today's infusion room! It is heartbreaking to see people coming in so weak they can barely walk into the room, nothing but skin and bones. Other than that the treatment was okay. I'm so grateful for Scott, though he has so much going on right now, would go spend four hours sitting in a chair by me. The technician told me that the chemo has an accumulative effect so by the fourth treatment is done you are very sick - something to look forward to! But I know that I am so blessed by the prayers of others.
Ohoh the non-focusing is coming on.
4/28/2015
What a beautiful day it is to go for my second cancer treatment! Spent the day yesterday washing, mopping, cleaning; getting ready to be sick. The upside of this whole thing is you have time to prepare for the downside.
I have felt really good this last week. The best advice I received was to give cancer one half hour a day then let it go. That has helped me to get back into a life not consumed with worry, information, bills, etc.
I am so grateful for the concern, love, and prayers that sustain us all.
Out of Sherry Dew's book on grace: "He rarely moves the mountains in front of us but He always helps us climb them." I know that to be true with the adversities we all have in this life.
Saturday, April 25, 2015
4/25/2015
Who would have thought that five months of my life would be antibacterial hand cleaner, disinfectant wipes, Lysol disinfected spray and let's not forget the face masks and gloves There shouldn't be a germ anywhere!
I am so grateful to feel good. It was scary looking in the mirror this morning however.
While practicing the keyboard today I came upon one of my very favorite hymns -" Each Life That Touches Ours for Good." I have always been so grateful for the many friends who continually touch my life with love and example of the kind of woman I want to be.
Friday, April 24, 2015
4/24/2015
Woke up this morning almost hyperventilating. I was in the middle of a horrible nightmare and when I realized it was just a dream I was so relieved that I was happy to only have cancer and being scheduled for a hairless appointment. In retrospect the hair shaving was easy compared to the nightmare. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise! So grateful for a sister who sat smiling all the while and offered to blindfold me until the wig was on. When you think of the millions of people who have dealt with cancer issues you know you can do it to. The best part of the day was having a wonderful friend show up at my house in a wig with flowers..Friends are such a blessing!
BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD What peace and comfort this brings me.
Thursday, April 23, 2015
4/23/2915
Tomorrow - here I thought it would be easy to have my head shaved and have a cute wig. The closer it gets the more I realize it isn't going to be that easy at all. Look at all the money I am going to save in haircuts and hair color, shampoo and hair spray, etc. Hope I think that tomorrow!! I'm so glad my sister is going with me to keep me from running out the door screaming "no,no,no"!
It was a good day today. Got to see lots of my grandkids while outside. I miss the earlier times when I have been able to hold and hug them at will. Such a blessing!
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
4/22/2015
Kind of a weird Wednesday:
The first was in the bathroom combing my hair for one of the last time when the smell of Clorox became strong. I hadn't been cleaning the bathroom so couldn't imagine where it was coming from. I looked all over for an open container. When I got closer to the mirror and my breath came back at me - I was shocked that it was
coming from me! At least it was a clean smell..
The worst was coming back to the ranch and dropping Jamie off. When Kate came over to the car crying because she couldn't see me. She knew she couldn't hug me and it was so darn pitiful I could hardly stand it. Then I get home and hear a soft knock on the door. Standing just outside the door was litte Brynle. "I just wanted to see you Grandma. How come you still look the same?" Such an innocent little four year old face. It is tough for me not to pick up these special little grandkids and hug them. It makes me feel a little empty inside.
So I actually took the garbage over today! Jake pulled up beside the ranger I was in. Told him was going to get the mail but he thought that might not be a good idea, I should send Scott because "there are germs and maybe even anthrax over there in the mailbox". The funny thing was he was serious! Then when I started reading the nutrition information for cancer and how careful you should be about how clean everything should be. I am surprised I am still alive!
Feeling good.
Tuesday, April 21, 2015
4/21/2015
Two days of being blessed with feeling good! The power of prayers is amazing to me.
I left the Doctor's office just over three weeks ago sobbing because I knew life would never be the same, and it probably wont. But what I know now is every new adversity in our lives has purpose and I will have the opportunity to grow in ways I never would have had. Cancer has always seemed like a death sentence to me since my parents both died of it - and many other relatives. Now I realize the blessing of making the most of each day, of how precious the relationships I have are, and how blessed I am to have such a wonderful family and support system.
So the cell phone sage continued . . .After being in a bag of rice for 24 hours I took it out and tried to turn it on. Nothing came up but the need to be charged sign so I plugged it in and kept checking it. Wouldn't charge at all. This morning I called Brandon, my go to phone guy, and we were working on ordering another one. I tried again to turn it on - no luck. As I was reading the paper I heard this weak buzzing sound; looked over at my dead phone and low and behold it was receiving messages!! Being skeptical about how it would work I noticed that it had charged at some point and I now have a working phone. A tender mercy I would say!
Got to see some of my family today out on the front porch. What fun! I miss having them opening the door and yelling "Grandma are you home?" It has been such a good day!
Sunday, April 19, 2015
4/19/15
Thanks to so many friends and families' prayers, I am doing well. Thinking my family will be ready to shoot me long before this is over!
Being home on Sunday is a weird experience but I will have the opportunity to watch and listen to the last conference. After listening to the Joseph Smith Papers this morning I wonder why people think that Joseph should have been perfect - as if any of us on earth are perfect. He did what he was supposed to do for the restoration of the church and it was amazing. We are all in a much smaller but the same boat trying to do our best but greatly lacking.
4/19/16
Guess you won't find it hard to believe that I have lost another blog....It might show up somewhere.
I was surprised this morning to look in the mirror and see that my hair was not singed. There is such a feeling of burning inside - sure would be good if I was being cleansed of all my sins. Now I understand why you get mouth blisters!
This has been an awesome day for me. Little nausea and aching - not much stamina though. The surgeon said I would hate her for the chemo I was going to have to go through. She doesn't know the power of prayer! I know this is an answer to all of our prayers. Thank you so much!
You know how you try to make sure the little kids in the house do not find your cell phone and drop it in the toilet - well I forgot it was in my pocket until I heard that KURPLUNK - and looked with horror at my phone lying in the bottom of the toilet. So now my cell phone is resting in a bag of rice on my counter, trying to recover.
I hope this day has been as good for all of you as it has been for me.
I was surprised this morning to look in the mirror and see that my hair was not singed. There is such a feeling of burning inside - sure would be good if I was being cleansed of all my sins. Now I understand why you get mouth blisters!
This has been an awesome day for me. Little nausea and aching - not much stamina though. The surgeon said I would hate her for the chemo I was going to have to go through. She doesn't know the power of prayer! I know this is an answer to all of our prayers. Thank you so much!
You know how you try to make sure the little kids in the house do not find your cell phone and drop it in the toilet - well I forgot it was in my pocket until I heard that KURPLUNK - and looked with horror at my phone lying in the bottom of the toilet. So now my cell phone is resting in a bag of rice on my counter, trying to recover.
I hope this day has been as good for all of you as it has been for me.
Saturday, April 18, 2015
April 18, 2015
Wow! What a beautiful day.
Who would have thought that familiar nauseated feeling from pregnancies would ever have come back at the old, old age of 66.
I know with out a shadow of a doubt that the prayers offered in my behalf, even though I don't deserve them, have blessed me immeasurably. Thank you so much! The peace I feel in my soul is very reassuring that this is part of God's plan for me - just don't like it to effect my family and friends but then it may be for all of us.
Going in for that first treatment was like entering a whole new, and unnerving world. This sweet 80+ year old woman, who was set up next to me, took one look at me and said sweetly, "Is this your first time? I have been here off and on for 28 years." It could have been 38 years - short term memory loss you know.And here I am whining about a year of treatment...My life will be enriched and I will be have a much greater understanding of others through this experience!
It does feel like a morgue in my house after having constant little ones and other family members in and out of the house all day. How blessed I have been!
Who would have thought that familiar nauseated feeling from pregnancies would ever have come back at the old, old age of 66.
I know with out a shadow of a doubt that the prayers offered in my behalf, even though I don't deserve them, have blessed me immeasurably. Thank you so much! The peace I feel in my soul is very reassuring that this is part of God's plan for me - just don't like it to effect my family and friends but then it may be for all of us.
Going in for that first treatment was like entering a whole new, and unnerving world. This sweet 80+ year old woman, who was set up next to me, took one look at me and said sweetly, "Is this your first time? I have been here off and on for 28 years." It could have been 38 years - short term memory loss you know.And here I am whining about a year of treatment...My life will be enriched and I will be have a much greater understanding of others through this experience!
It does feel like a morgue in my house after having constant little ones and other family members in and out of the house all day. How blessed I have been!
Friday, April 17, 2015
Some Fun in the Chaos
As a family we have tried to get together more and do some fun and supportive things. We had dinner with just the adults and gave mom a quilt that my super talented sisters (Melia, Alysha, and Megan) had made her, had an Easter party, had a deep cleaning party at mom's house, and had a hair party the night before her first chemo appointment.
Although we were short a few siblings at some of the things, it was great to pull together and make some fun memories. This post will mainly be pictures so beware of the overload!
We didn't get pictures at the Easter party or the cleaning party (who would want pictures of that anyway?!) but it was great that we could enjoy each occasion.
Date night and giving of blanket:
Each section consists of individual families' hand prints. That took some serious skills to pull this off with so many hand prints and so many little ones! The saying was stitched by an amazing woman from our ward and it says "Families are like quilts.. pieced together with memories, bound together with love." A perfect gift to keep her cozy and warm while being able to see and feel all the love we have for her!
Hair party or "cut it for Kathy" party:
We wanted to show our support to our mom by either shaving heads (the guys) or dying some hair pink (the girls) or both! She will lose her hair so we were showing her that it is ok and bald is great! There were some who weren't planning on doing one or the other but they eventually got caught up in the excitement and feeling of togetherness. Ellie and her kids even did it to show their support all the way in Cleveland!
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All of the grandkids were so excited to be able to do this for grandma. It has been really hard for all of them. The ones that are old enough to understand hate that she has to deal with this and the younger ones have a hard time understanding. Before she started chemo they would go visit her and come back and say, "She is all better now!" or "our prayers worked, grandma isn't sick anymore!". The sweet beliefs of little kids are the best! Those shaving heads had a bit of fun along the way by doing some awesome haircuts before getting rid of it all! Sadly, I couldn't add all of the pictures to show that or that would be just too much! Besides the hair, mom wanted to do games for the kids and give them prizes since it will be a long time until she can play with them again.
Although we were short a few siblings at some of the things, it was great to pull together and make some fun memories. This post will mainly be pictures so beware of the overload!
We didn't get pictures at the Easter party or the cleaning party (who would want pictures of that anyway?!) but it was great that we could enjoy each occasion.
Date night and giving of blanket:
Each section consists of individual families' hand prints. That took some serious skills to pull this off with so many hand prints and so many little ones! The saying was stitched by an amazing woman from our ward and it says "Families are like quilts.. pieced together with memories, bound together with love." A perfect gift to keep her cozy and warm while being able to see and feel all the love we have for her!
Hair party or "cut it for Kathy" party:
We wanted to show our support to our mom by either shaving heads (the guys) or dying some hair pink (the girls) or both! She will lose her hair so we were showing her that it is ok and bald is great! There were some who weren't planning on doing one or the other but they eventually got caught up in the excitement and feeling of togetherness. Ellie and her kids even did it to show their support all the way in Cleveland!
All of the grandkids were so excited to be able to do this for grandma. It has been really hard for all of them. The ones that are old enough to understand hate that she has to deal with this and the younger ones have a hard time understanding. Before she started chemo they would go visit her and come back and say, "She is all better now!" or "our prayers worked, grandma isn't sick anymore!". The sweet beliefs of little kids are the best! Those shaving heads had a bit of fun along the way by doing some awesome haircuts before getting rid of it all! Sadly, I couldn't add all of the pictures to show that or that would be just too much! Besides the hair, mom wanted to do games for the kids and give them prizes since it will be a long time until she can play with them again.
Thursday, April 16, 2015
My side of the story . . .
Here we go again. Another blog by a handicapped blogger, and that's for certain! I never thought I would ever have a blog let alone one about me dealing with cancer. I had a blog on our mission and I thought that I would be done after that! Now I realize that we are on a different and challenging mission.
As we had time on our Dominican mission, I believe the Lord gave me time to prepare for a different challenge. Probably three months ago I was inundated with the feeling that something
was going to happen that would change our lives and that I needed to get my house organized, DI a lot of things I didn't need -I still couldn't get my girls to go down the basement with me! They remember the snakes, mink, dog, etc that have been in the basement of our 100+ year old house.
Pitiful excuses!! But we were able to get many things done. Even the basement with the help of a wonderful friend.
Then on March 20 while Melia and Alysha were here I told them how I had been feeling. I had been so worried that something was going to happen to Scott or one of our kids that every time the phone rang I expected bad news. That night I had these strange pains in my breast that woke me up. Anyone that knows me knows I would almost rather die than go to a doctor with that kind of a problem! I had done self breast exams feeling for lumps and there weren't any. But when I got up in the morning the feeling that I had to get help immediately was so strong that I actually called for an appointment. At that time I realized that the whole left breast was hard and a bit misshapen.
From then on it was just one test after another. Interestingly enough, none of the x-rays, mammograms or ultrasounds showed there was anything wrong. The radiologist came in, called Dr. Garvy, a surgeon, who just happened to have some time right then. She took one look and said "I can tell you what this is but you aren't going to want to hear it. I think it is inflammatory breast cancer." There was a biopsy lab right in their area so she did that also. What a TENDER MERCY that was! Not having to wait forever to find out what was going on.
A flash of insight brought the realization that my illness was the reason for the months of anxiety - I was so relieved it was me and not any of them! But then there was the daunting task of telling my precious family what was wrong. I have been blessed beyond belief to live here on the ranch with most of our children and grandchildren. There's not a day that goes by that I don't hear "Grandma are you here? We're just coming to visit!" Then the other kids came to see where their friends were and before you knew it your house was filled with little children.What a choice blessing! Having the house filled with children feels so familiar and good. Knowing that would be changing was so sad for me.
Scott and my sister Dede went with me to see Dr. Garvy when the biopsy came back. Of course we got the worst of the news from her. "Plan on a year of your life in treatment for this inflammatory
stage four breast cancer". Chemo, surgery,radiation,hormone therapy. Sounded pretty daunting to us all ! One of my cousins died of this kind of very aggressive breast cancer even though it is supposed to be rare. She said the survival rate for this cancer has gone from 50% to almost 60% following treatment. But I know I am going to be ok! Avoiding germs however is a pain...
So Dr. Garvy set up the surgery for the port, appointments with Dr. Hansen the oncologist, Dr. Hansen the radiology oncologist .So of course his nurses had never seen this type of presentation so he asked if they could all come in and check it out. Was that ever fun. Should have been a stripper...Dr V Hansen sent me for a pet test to see if the cancer had spread. That wait for the results to come back seemed like forever for all of us. Came back that it had not spread to any organs, just the lymph nodes surrounding the cancer. What a believer in fasting and prayer I am, especially after that.
You know one of the side effects of chemo is something they call chemo brain - or loss of short term memory. I can tell you that my family has never known anything different with me! But mine is total memory loss. I spent ten minutes looking for a sock that I finally found - on my foot..
For Christmas one year the kids gave me a wonderful picture of Christ with the scripture " My peace I leave with you. My peace I give unto you. Let not your heart be troubled neither let it be afraid." What a comfort that picture and scripture has been to me! I am so grateful to know that we have a Heavenly Father who loves us. That we can know we are never alone in any trial that happens to come into our lives.What is amazing to me is that I feel the comfort of the prayers that are being
said for us. How wonderful it is to have friends and family that will share their faith in prayer with us.
-Kathy
As we had time on our Dominican mission, I believe the Lord gave me time to prepare for a different challenge. Probably three months ago I was inundated with the feeling that something
was going to happen that would change our lives and that I needed to get my house organized, DI a lot of things I didn't need -I still couldn't get my girls to go down the basement with me! They remember the snakes, mink, dog, etc that have been in the basement of our 100+ year old house.
Pitiful excuses!! But we were able to get many things done. Even the basement with the help of a wonderful friend.
Then on March 20 while Melia and Alysha were here I told them how I had been feeling. I had been so worried that something was going to happen to Scott or one of our kids that every time the phone rang I expected bad news. That night I had these strange pains in my breast that woke me up. Anyone that knows me knows I would almost rather die than go to a doctor with that kind of a problem! I had done self breast exams feeling for lumps and there weren't any. But when I got up in the morning the feeling that I had to get help immediately was so strong that I actually called for an appointment. At that time I realized that the whole left breast was hard and a bit misshapen.
From then on it was just one test after another. Interestingly enough, none of the x-rays, mammograms or ultrasounds showed there was anything wrong. The radiologist came in, called Dr. Garvy, a surgeon, who just happened to have some time right then. She took one look and said "I can tell you what this is but you aren't going to want to hear it. I think it is inflammatory breast cancer." There was a biopsy lab right in their area so she did that also. What a TENDER MERCY that was! Not having to wait forever to find out what was going on.
A flash of insight brought the realization that my illness was the reason for the months of anxiety - I was so relieved it was me and not any of them! But then there was the daunting task of telling my precious family what was wrong. I have been blessed beyond belief to live here on the ranch with most of our children and grandchildren. There's not a day that goes by that I don't hear "Grandma are you here? We're just coming to visit!" Then the other kids came to see where their friends were and before you knew it your house was filled with little children.What a choice blessing! Having the house filled with children feels so familiar and good. Knowing that would be changing was so sad for me.
Scott and my sister Dede went with me to see Dr. Garvy when the biopsy came back. Of course we got the worst of the news from her. "Plan on a year of your life in treatment for this inflammatory
stage four breast cancer". Chemo, surgery,radiation,hormone therapy. Sounded pretty daunting to us all ! One of my cousins died of this kind of very aggressive breast cancer even though it is supposed to be rare. She said the survival rate for this cancer has gone from 50% to almost 60% following treatment. But I know I am going to be ok! Avoiding germs however is a pain...
So Dr. Garvy set up the surgery for the port, appointments with Dr. Hansen the oncologist, Dr. Hansen the radiology oncologist .So of course his nurses had never seen this type of presentation so he asked if they could all come in and check it out. Was that ever fun. Should have been a stripper...Dr V Hansen sent me for a pet test to see if the cancer had spread. That wait for the results to come back seemed like forever for all of us. Came back that it had not spread to any organs, just the lymph nodes surrounding the cancer. What a believer in fasting and prayer I am, especially after that.
You know one of the side effects of chemo is something they call chemo brain - or loss of short term memory. I can tell you that my family has never known anything different with me! But mine is total memory loss. I spent ten minutes looking for a sock that I finally found - on my foot..
For Christmas one year the kids gave me a wonderful picture of Christ with the scripture " My peace I leave with you. My peace I give unto you. Let not your heart be troubled neither let it be afraid." What a comfort that picture and scripture has been to me! I am so grateful to know that we have a Heavenly Father who loves us. That we can know we are never alone in any trial that happens to come into our lives.What is amazing to me is that I feel the comfort of the prayers that are being
said for us. How wonderful it is to have friends and family that will share their faith in prayer with us.
-Kathy
Wednesday, April 15, 2015
From the Beginning
I was struggling with figuring out the best way to start this for my mom so I kept putting it off. I'm not sure if it was denial that she was going through this, wanting her to be the one writing this blog, or just not knowing how to start it. The conclusion I came to was a pretty obvious one. Start at the beginning.
As an explanation of this blog, it will be from the perspective of Kathy and all of her kids as she fights this battle of stage 4 Inflammatory Breast Cancer. She will write on here when she is feeling well enough to and able. That way you get the honest perspective and not just what she tells us. The perspective and writing style may change, but the constant will be about our amazing mom, Kathy.
The fact that we even need to do a blog is so wonderful to feel and know how much she is loved by all of those around her. A huge Thank You to all of you that have prayed for her, served her, made her feel loved, and have touched her life in some way. She has felt all of that and is so extremely grateful!
Inflammatory breast cancer. Who knew that three words can change a life forever?! There are only a few moments in ones life that we remember so distinctly. Being told that you have breast cancer or being told by your mom that she has it is one of those times that none of us will ever forget. Each of our thoughts were a little different but the main feeling we all felt was "no, this can't be happening to our mom!" She has always been so strong in every way imaginable, how could a vicious thing such a cancer happen to her? She told all of us girls face to face and had dad tell the boys. It was a special moment to be able to hold on and comfort one another the best that we could.
How is it that since that moment time has seemed to speed up yet be so slow at the same time? We realized that we can't take advantage of time and spending it with her and those we love. The onset of it was so quick and we all wanted to get going as soon as possible but it takes time. That is a tricky word right now. She wanted to get going on chemo right away but also didn't want to be weak and sick either. She kept telling us how hard it was to plan to be sick but not knowing just how sick. You can plan and prepare all you want but the reality is always different than any expectations.
One little miracle that we have had is when we all fasted while waiting for the results to come back. We decided to start and do our own individual fasts and once we were done and talking about things, we found out that we had fasted and prayed that she could feel comfort, peace and love. We all obviously wanted to pray that she can be healed and healthy, but we felt and followed the prompting to fast for those things. Heavenly Father knew she needed that most at that time and she received that huge blessing.
Here is a simplified version of everything up to this point:
March 20th- She wasn't able to sleep because of intense pain in her breast so she went to an after hours clinic. They ran x-rays' and a mammogram and everything came back clear.
March 26th- She went and had another mammogram and they suspected inflammatory breast cancer, they took a quick biopsy and had an ultrasound with Dr. Garvey.
April 1st- biopsy results came back with a positive for inflammatory breast cancer.
2nd- consultation with Dr. Garvey to plan things going forward.
7th- Surgery to put the port in for chemo.
8th- met with the oncologist, Dr. Vincent Hansen, to plan and learn the schedule.
9th- met with the radiologist, Dr. Rodger Hansen, PET scan, and echocardiogram.
14th- results of PET scan, first chemo appointment.
15th- shot to build up white blood count.
The PET scan results came back and we found that the cancer hasn't spread to any major organs and just to the lymph nodes that they already suspected. Yay!!! That was one bright spot in all of this. The oncologist is optimistic and feels that they caught it early enough. The bad thing is that this cancer is very aggressive so they need to be just as aggressive in the treatments. She has shared with us that she wouldn't be doing chemo if it weren't for her kids and grandkids. None of us want to see her go through this but we all still want and need her here with us! The love and care she gives to others is amazing and inspiring.
The day of her first chemo appointment she was feeling really good and optimistic. Which was much better than the night before that she was seriously scared. She has felt so many prayers and knows that they have helped her feel that way. She was relieved to get started and ready for this new adventure. While she was there, she was keeping us updated and told us things were going good and that in a room full of cancer patients being treated, there was a "generally happy atmosphere". That really helped her a lot! She has had a great attitude so far and today she is still feeling well and "doing great"! Happy that the effects of chemo haven't hit her yet.
Thank you all so much for your prayers and support! It means so much to her and all of us!
If you haven't learned about what inflammatory breast cancer is yet, here is a link to the National Cancer Institute to tell you more. Inflammatory Breast Cancer.
As an explanation of this blog, it will be from the perspective of Kathy and all of her kids as she fights this battle of stage 4 Inflammatory Breast Cancer. She will write on here when she is feeling well enough to and able. That way you get the honest perspective and not just what she tells us. The perspective and writing style may change, but the constant will be about our amazing mom, Kathy.
The fact that we even need to do a blog is so wonderful to feel and know how much she is loved by all of those around her. A huge Thank You to all of you that have prayed for her, served her, made her feel loved, and have touched her life in some way. She has felt all of that and is so extremely grateful!
Inflammatory breast cancer. Who knew that three words can change a life forever?! There are only a few moments in ones life that we remember so distinctly. Being told that you have breast cancer or being told by your mom that she has it is one of those times that none of us will ever forget. Each of our thoughts were a little different but the main feeling we all felt was "no, this can't be happening to our mom!" She has always been so strong in every way imaginable, how could a vicious thing such a cancer happen to her? She told all of us girls face to face and had dad tell the boys. It was a special moment to be able to hold on and comfort one another the best that we could.
How is it that since that moment time has seemed to speed up yet be so slow at the same time? We realized that we can't take advantage of time and spending it with her and those we love. The onset of it was so quick and we all wanted to get going as soon as possible but it takes time. That is a tricky word right now. She wanted to get going on chemo right away but also didn't want to be weak and sick either. She kept telling us how hard it was to plan to be sick but not knowing just how sick. You can plan and prepare all you want but the reality is always different than any expectations.
One little miracle that we have had is when we all fasted while waiting for the results to come back. We decided to start and do our own individual fasts and once we were done and talking about things, we found out that we had fasted and prayed that she could feel comfort, peace and love. We all obviously wanted to pray that she can be healed and healthy, but we felt and followed the prompting to fast for those things. Heavenly Father knew she needed that most at that time and she received that huge blessing.
Here is a simplified version of everything up to this point:
March 20th- She wasn't able to sleep because of intense pain in her breast so she went to an after hours clinic. They ran x-rays' and a mammogram and everything came back clear.
March 26th- She went and had another mammogram and they suspected inflammatory breast cancer, they took a quick biopsy and had an ultrasound with Dr. Garvey.
April 1st- biopsy results came back with a positive for inflammatory breast cancer.
2nd- consultation with Dr. Garvey to plan things going forward.
7th- Surgery to put the port in for chemo.
8th- met with the oncologist, Dr. Vincent Hansen, to plan and learn the schedule.
9th- met with the radiologist, Dr. Rodger Hansen, PET scan, and echocardiogram.
14th- results of PET scan, first chemo appointment.
15th- shot to build up white blood count.
The PET scan results came back and we found that the cancer hasn't spread to any major organs and just to the lymph nodes that they already suspected. Yay!!! That was one bright spot in all of this. The oncologist is optimistic and feels that they caught it early enough. The bad thing is that this cancer is very aggressive so they need to be just as aggressive in the treatments. She has shared with us that she wouldn't be doing chemo if it weren't for her kids and grandkids. None of us want to see her go through this but we all still want and need her here with us! The love and care she gives to others is amazing and inspiring.
The day of her first chemo appointment she was feeling really good and optimistic. Which was much better than the night before that she was seriously scared. She has felt so many prayers and knows that they have helped her feel that way. She was relieved to get started and ready for this new adventure. While she was there, she was keeping us updated and told us things were going good and that in a room full of cancer patients being treated, there was a "generally happy atmosphere". That really helped her a lot! She has had a great attitude so far and today she is still feeling well and "doing great"! Happy that the effects of chemo haven't hit her yet.
Thank you all so much for your prayers and support! It means so much to her and all of us!
If you haven't learned about what inflammatory breast cancer is yet, here is a link to the National Cancer Institute to tell you more. Inflammatory Breast Cancer.
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