4/30/2015

Keeping the days straight is quite a challenge for me - even when I am well! Went in for my second round of chemo on Tuesday. It looked like the room of the walking dead. Just wanted to wrap them all in a blanket and hug them. I have always thought that the only time I would be skinny would be when I was dying of cancer. Guess I've a long, long way to go before I die! I am learning more about grace every day as the infusion nurses tell me what to expect with the treatment and the shot the day after. I feel surrounded by the prayers of others that have blessed me to escape most of the worst side effects that they tell me will come. The nurses just look at me in unbelief but I know exactly why I have been so blessed. This no hair thing isn't all that bad. No wonder it takes men such a short time to get ready. It is a bit strange to come downstairs and realize you have forgotten your hair though. The kindness of so many people has been amazing and probably not deserved but I do appreciate the emails, messages, cards, calls, meals, flowers, warm soft fuzzy blankets and pillows and so many others gifts that have made such a difference in my dealing with cancer. Thank you so much!

4/28/2015

Afternoon of the same day Room of the living dead is the best description of today's infusion room! It is heartbreaking to see people coming in so weak they can barely walk into the room, nothing but skin and bones. Other than that the treatment was okay. I'm so grateful for Scott, though he has so much going on right now, would go spend four hours sitting in a chair by me. The technician told me that the chemo has an accumulative effect so by the fourth treatment is done you are very sick - something to look forward to! But I know that I am so blessed by the prayers of others. Ohoh the non-focusing is coming on.

4/28/2015

What a beautiful day it is to go for my second cancer treatment! Spent the day yesterday washing, mopping, cleaning; getting ready to be sick. The upside of this whole thing is you have time to prepare for the downside. I have felt really good this last week. The best advice I received was to give cancer one half hour a day then let it go. That has helped me to get back into a life not consumed with worry, information, bills, etc. I am so grateful for the concern, love, and prayers that sustain us all. Out of Sherry Dew's book on grace: "He rarely moves the mountains in front of us but He always helps us climb them." I know that to be true with the adversities we all have in this life.

4/25/2015

Who would have thought that five months of my life would be antibacterial hand cleaner, disinfectant wipes, Lysol disinfected spray and let's not forget the face masks and gloves There shouldn't be a germ anywhere! I am so grateful to feel good. It was scary looking in the mirror this morning however. While practicing the keyboard today I came upon one of my very favorite hymns -" Each Life That Touches Ours for Good." I have always been so grateful for the many friends who continually touch my life with love and example of the kind of woman I want to be.

4/24/2015

Woke up this morning almost hyperventilating. I was in the middle of a horrible nightmare and when I realized it was just a dream I was so relieved that I was happy to only have cancer and being scheduled for a hairless appointment. In retrospect the hair shaving was easy compared to the nightmare. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise! So grateful for a sister who sat smiling all the while and offered to blindfold me until the wig was on. When you think of the millions of people who have dealt with cancer issues you know you can do it to. The best part of the day was having a wonderful friend show up at my house in a wig with flowers..Friends are such a blessing! BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD What peace and comfort this brings me.

4/23/2915

Tomorrow - here I thought it would be easy to have my head shaved and have a cute wig. The closer it gets the more I realize it isn't going to be that easy at all. Look at all the money I am going to save in haircuts and hair color, shampoo and hair spray, etc. Hope I think that tomorrow!! I'm so glad my sister is going with me to keep me from running out the door screaming "no,no,no"! It was a good day today. Got to see lots of my grandkids while outside. I miss the earlier times when I have been able to hold and hug them at will. Such a blessing!

4/22/2015

Kind of a weird Wednesday: The first was in the bathroom combing my hair for one of the last time when the smell of Clorox became strong. I hadn't been cleaning the bathroom so couldn't imagine where it was coming from. I looked all over for an open container. When I got closer to the mirror and my breath came back at me - I was shocked that it was coming from me! At least it was a clean smell.. The worst was coming back to the ranch and dropping Jamie off. When Kate came over to the car crying because she couldn't see me. She knew she couldn't hug me and it was so darn pitiful I could hardly stand it. Then I get home and hear a soft knock on the door. Standing just outside the door was litte Brynle. "I just wanted to see you Grandma. How come you still look the same?" Such an innocent little four year old face. It is tough for me not to pick up these special little grandkids and hug them. It makes me feel a little empty inside. So I actually took the garbage over today! Jake pulled up beside the ranger I was in. Told him was going to get the mail but he thought that might not be a good idea, I should send Scott because "there are germs and maybe even anthrax over there in the mailbox". The funny thing was he was serious! Then when I started reading the nutrition information for cancer and how careful you should be about how clean everything should be. I am surprised I am still alive! Feeling good.